i was just about to blog about something really positive until my mum came in telling me if i didnt appologise to my dad he isnt taking me for my game on sunday :(
and freak its my birthday then too. what the hell. he has no respect for me at all and then my mum said he doesnt have to D:
freak im blowing up inside. i didnt want to end the night like this..crying. and upset when i did have a pretty good day. and then going shopping in the car just listening to my parents arguing. makes me so uncomfortable. :'(
now i just wish i wasnt having a birthday party at all. who even cares :(
i hate that i ask for the littlest things or nothing even but when i do its like im asking for the world to stop just for me, i try not to inconvenience anyone. i try to be nice to everyone but i never get that in return. its not like im asking for much, just to be treated the same way i treat others but my dad has a problem with me D: and i have a short fuse with him so it doesnt work.

in the car this is what i was thinking..

dear dada
you tell me stories of me when i was younger. how i always asked you to cally me (carry me) and how you took me places and let me sit in ur shoulders or on ur back for a horsey ride. or walking on ur back to massage you. i dont understand why we dont get a long so much. really it hurts me to know we can argue so much on a daily basis :( makes me cry, to know that half the time i think i did something wrong. or i am the cause of the problem. i watch tv shows and see other fathers, looking after their daughters. sometimes i wish you were still the same man i remember from dubai. but i know your not. so much has happened since then. :'( its not fair the way you treat me. i miss the happy you. the you i hardly even remember from dubai. you are the most angriest, grumpiest man i know. and i wish you werent. you dont respect me and you just tease me. what kind of father are you? i remember buying you father's day presents from primary school, and i remember just a few nights ago watching soccer with you. things are so much more complicated between you and i and i cant handle that. i live with you, and i dont want to. :(

i wish and hope things get better..

good night
from me.

ps. i really hope you find urself..