okay. ive been trying all night to convert the vid to an mp3 or even uploading it up but nothing. so i guess i wont be putting it up here then? :L
hahaha. how unfortunate :L hahaha.
dw if the next one is good enough i will put it on youtube.
and dw ness, i havent forgotten. i still owe you a cover.. :)

okay. so its that one time of the year. hahaha my birhday is coming up..and i was so sure for what i was gna do this year. but now idno. i know for sure when my mum comes home in 2 weeks she'll be busy with work :( and like stuff like that, it will be too stressfull to be planning my bday. even though she said nothing big this year so yea dnt wna trouble her and yea :/
idno.

lmao but to a lighter topic. i used to absolutely love june cause the whole of june id just wait for my godmother's parcel to come on my doorstep or under my doormat, just wait to receive the bday gift she sends me from america :) hahaha i love reveiving mail, like bday cards and stuff. i feel so special that all my family around the world take the time to write a card, sometimes even a letter just for me and mail it x) hehehe. i love getting mail. and omg the big ones :) hahaha. love it. but for the past couple of years havent been getting a parcel just a card, cause my aunty hasnt been well. and i guess im older now too? but even though im turning 15 i dnt mind getting a pracel :L ahahaa i really dont. ooohh. i wonder if my mama is gna get me something from there? lol something extra special?
lol see to me, my birthday is just like every other day, except for the fact that everyone wishes you happy birthday and everyone i guess is also extra nice to you, and make you feel even more special? but yea. ohh and you get presents as well :L hahaha. but yeaaa :L hahaha.

anyways back to religion. ps sorry for still not uploading the cover..its not working D: --'

they're coming :)

lol so tomorrow afternoon my dad is going to the airport to go pick up my mum's aunty and uncle who are flying in from Geelong? in Melbourne and yeaa. lol im excited havent seen them in a while but most of all i love my mum's uncle. we call him uncle damoscene? lol i cant spell but thats how you say it? :L well both my grandfather's passed away when i was a baby and i was fortunate enough to meet them before they died, and before they died they got a chance to hold me in their arms, and i feel so special but yea. so my mum's uncle, who was also like my mum's dad, i think of him as my grandad. when we were young he would take all 5 of us, my cousins, sister and i to the shops and let us choose numbers for the lotto :L hahaha he loves the lotto and my uncle he's so cute :L cause he's old and yeaa. once he took my sister and i to the shops and bought us ice cream and we quickly ate it before we got home cause my aunt wouldnt have been happy with him :L hahaha he's the best. and even though in primary, on grandparents day everyone would have awsome memories with their grandad, the ones who spoil them and take them to fun places. my mums uncle did this for us, my mum's aunt and uncle unfortunately weren;t able to have kids of their own, D: but they treat us all like their kids and grand kids and im so greatful for them <3 hahaha :) yaay their coming. i have so much fun with my mum's uncle :L he's funny. and cause of my mum i love having guest over at my place :) hahaha.

hope you guys have a safe trip here. see you tomorrow :)
<3

hey. hi :)

lol so im gna upload a vid of my beautiful cousin marilyn and i covering officially missing you, by tamia and i stuffed it up :L hahhaha big time..and if i didnt stuff it up it would have been an alright..

ps. i suck compared to marilyn..i wish she did the cover alone :L ahhahah but i must say we had an awsome time, heaps of fun making this.. :L

ooh and sorry for the rudish intro.hahaha marilyn was getting impatient after saying it so many times :L HAHAH

aww miss this little girl. love her like a sister <3

i really do ruin this song. --'
but enjoy my stuff up cause this vid isnt going anywhere else but here :L hahaha.

pps. it was kinda sad, cause when i was getting the vid of my camera memory card, i noticed how many pics were on there..and around the time when it was stuffing up..there were hardly any pictures :(
and now theres none, no recent ones..i miss having a fully functioning camera. D:
this was taken a while back.

i just finished it and i dno what happened to the beginning so yeaa sorry --'

boo.
well i was gna spam this and put up a whole heap of pictures from recent years but im not bothered anymore as i cannot find this video that i am stuggeling so hard to find --'

Ninoshka says: HI :)

lol this is from yr9 camp. hahaha i kinda like this picture :L

"nature surrounds me" HAHAHAHA. get it?

im scared..of losing people.. :(

in life so far people have walked out and i feel as though ive been left behind..i dnt like that feeling :( that feeling that someone has gone or hasnt made the effort to come back.
..i just watched greys. And people died. People suffered. People walked out. Some having no options to what they were doing..unfortunately some leaving behind their loved ones and friends.. D:
i dnt think id be ready for that..i lose items. Belongings. But i dnt wna lose my friends or family. Or sense of security. Im scared that something will happen and someone might walk out..not looking back. I dnt wna get left bihind. Im scared for that to happen again..to feeel that way. Sometimes i really do feel so helpless..not knowing what to do.
Idno what to do if it would happen again..im not ready..
I dnt even know what im saying :( im thinking way too much.

..anyways night
<3 sweet dreams.

im scared to be forgotten..

dear camera..

i miss you.
i only got you like last yr? or 2 yrs ago? and now your gone..well not gone. just broken. and its hard and expensive to fix you.
it was so simple having you as a camera, everyone loved using you too..i shared you. lol and i always uploaded the pics taken from events..straight away. and now i cant. you missed the athletics carnival, and abby's birthday dinner and sleepover..
*sigh. this isnt gna be easy to get used to. i shall start saving up. and get another one.
sorry gerry for breaking the camera you bought for me. i really didnt do anything intentinal to break it..and im so so sorry!

love ninoshka.

mystery man ;)

lol so i was in the shower right :L doing my thinking..and before i went for a shower i watched the youtube video victor kim made for his girlfriend to say happy birthday and he sang soul sister. hahaha a cute vid.

anyways. and thinking more and more about it, seeing it everywhere, and in the media too. through songs, and tv dramas and series and yeaa all that stuff. i cant wait to find my better half :L hahaha. you know, my special someone. and experience the things i see in every day life. idno it looks..i guess from what i hear, not even words can explain what it really is. hahahah. and im young, 14 to be exact :L hahaha. but yeaa. i can wait. and im excited for that day when i will meet him. mystery man im ready when you are ;) hhahaha. jks. im not ready yet. actually idno. ive only really seen it in movies, and listened to it in songs, what its like. i cant wait to experience it for myself. anyways. i shall be going now..grocery shopping and then off to mass :)

hahaha. i really dnt mind when i do get a boyfriend. really i dnt :L hahaha im happy and loved so much by my friends and family :) i always expected to meet someone after im in like yr12 or something.. :L hahaha im guessing cause my mum was always like, focus on ur studies blahblah. so yeaa :L but if i do meet you before then, lets be friends yeaa? :) friends are awsome :L

hahaha. gotta go. but hope you have a lovely day. <3
keep smiling ;)

i get it from her :)

lol. i jst wrote so much..and jst deleted it --' ohh well.

so growing up. and being older and stuff i realise how much i get from my mum..and how much she does for everyone else. always putting herself last. and i mean always.. :/


okay so here i go..this is my mum..

..she love to entertain..like seriously, i dnt remember a day when i was young when someone wasnt over. or staying here. my mum is also so hospitable. and she also cooks for her guest, never letting them do any work, and no matter how tired she is, she will still make you feel welcome and treat you like a guest. :)

..if you come over, even for a little while, she must feed you. she will not send you home hungry :L and if ur not hungry..here's some take away. she's a good cook

..she loves to make fun of people at the airport :L lmao i guess its the bordem but mann she's a crack up :L so funny

..she sucks at parking :L hahaha

..she absolutely loves her sweets..any day she will always have chocolate in the house, and my mum can even eat desert before a meal.

..is a stressful lady..her job is time consuming. very important to her but stressful :(

..she has a reputation? lol almost everyone knows her for something she does well.

..always puts herself last. will be on the phone for hours and hours talking to a family member, or friend. listening to them, giving advice. everyone turns to my mum if something is wrong..sometimes not such a good thing thou :/ and even if she is tired, she will do the best she can to make you feel better

..likes to make fun of people..hehehe we like to make fun of my dad and sister :L

..like to spoil people, and give them the best, at all costs. my mum loves to give everyone the royal treatment

..in awkward moments in the car..she will start talking to me, about anything..i guess she should get a break from listening and do the talking..? hahaha she taught me most of what i know.

..has a lot of rules and is so over protective, i will not have a real life until i am 18..thats for sure. she keeps reminding me :L

..knows how to throw a party..heaps and heaps of good food and music and dancing and laughing. my mum loves to laugh

..favourite actress is julia roberts as people say my mum smiles like her? :L

..does so so so much for this family..and we sometimes take her for graunted

..can be moody :L..scary at times :/

..loves candells and chocolate

..remembers everyone's birthday..like everyone's in her head. and always, always sends bday cards or calls

..forgets so much, cause she is so busy..kinda missminded?

..hardly does anything for herself D:

..is in canada atm, with my uncle, and ony of her best friends..(she's kept friendships from the time she was in collage..and theyr still strong..just like mine will be, the same in like 10 years..still strong :)

.. she brought me up, made me who i am today and i love her..even though i dnt show it. :/

she's made life a luxury for me. im not always the ideal daughter, but i try my hardest to make things easier for my mum when i can. im stubburn. i get that from her. i love to talk. i get that from her. i love to listen. i get that from her. im a good counseller..say my friends. hahaha i get that from her.

happy mother's day for tomorrow..hope you're safe and happy and having a great time. see you in a month <3

ps. mama i do listen to you, and i get upset hearing what you have to do sometimes, and how some people try to pull you into their problems when you have your own at times. everything is fine at home. and i would like to thank you for knowing what i need most, and for standing up for me when i needed someone on my side. :) and to me, you are so important.

appreciation :)

To me, appreciation is a big key to being happy :)
see, the more you realise what other people do for you, how other people care for you, love you and finding those little things that you can appreciate..whether it be the gift of people sharing their talent, worldwide with singing, dancing, or the weather on a beautiful day like today. learning to appreciate even the littlest of things, the smile on a friend, the blueness of the sky, the brightness of the moon. these little things, when appreciated can make you so happy, you kind of think its so simple right?

i am one person, if you know me well, who gets excited pretty quick, im slow at times :L but i love to laugh and smile. and the more i learn, the more i appreciate what i have. lets see, today i woke up, tired and sick, i didnt feel too well. and the weather was heaps gloomy too..i decided not to go to school. to rest up hoping to get better. and then i woke up and it was hard out raining. lol watched some tv and then had a shower and here i am, feeling heaps better and looking out the window makes me smile as it looks so pretty outside. the blue sky and the brightness outside, and i can even hear some birds :L hahaha. at times, i dont appreciate what i have. but the times i do, boy am i happy to have what i do. how fortunate i am to have the most loving and awsomest friends in the world, and a caring family. a roof over my head. a tv and computer. education. clean water and good food. the luxuries i sometimes take for graunted, the things i should appreciate more.
i am a person who can smile at the littlest things, that do make me so happy. im not sure why, but a friend once told me, im so easy to please..and i guess at times i am? hehehe :L but still..

i thank God, for everything i have. for beautiful days like today, for the rainbow that makes you smile after the rain has passed, for the people who take the time to make me smile and laugh everyday :) im so very thankful. and im sorry for those times when i do take all this for graunted.
heheheeh. im learning to appreciate everything in life more and more, maybe its the fact that in life, things to pass by so quick. and if you dont take the time to appreciate it when its there, it will be gone and you would have regreted not taking that time? but yeaaa! hahaha.

and and..i especially appreciate you..yes you. ;)
hehehe. the people who take the time to read my blog. i hope you smile at the thought that i appriciate you, when in fact im sure many people do.. ;)

have a lovely lovely day. and let me day thank you for today. hehehe. that rhymes.
love happy songs on a day like this.
ttly. and dont forget to appreciate what you have once in a while but most importantly. smile and be happy!
&lt;3 ninoshka

aww angel. hehehe you made me teary..as well as my eyes naturally running for my cold.
yes you made me feel bad about the stuff i said to you..and i too am sinserely sorry! please forgive me too. and of course im not mad at you. hehehe ur so cute. and the love heart thing is a less than sign and the number 3 :L hahaha i heart you too angel. <3

ps. i will always be there for you, as i know you will be there for me. and when we went to castle towers..and the conversation yohana and i had with you :( makes me sad knowing so many of you are leaving next year, and always know. no matter the new friends you make, the new cute guys you see. hehehe ;) that i still will always be your friend, as you are to me too. forever. angelica i will not forget that day, on the train. i dnt think i've ever made so many promises to one friend in the spand of a few mins..i will not forget nor will i break those promises. hahaha and we will play soccer again..maybe you can even get ur new oakhill friends to join with st pats so we can form a team..as long as you dnt forget me :)
love you angel. and you will always find forgivness with me. my soccer buddy <3

common! ;)

being sick..well getting sick my eyes keep watering --' and its annoying but also looks like im crying sometimes :/ ahh. ohh well..so now. for some reason i feel like i have to prove myself..for various reasons but yes. i feel that i should. or maybe even must..when i know its wrong to assume something like this but still. i feel the need to prove myself. and so i am going to. from now on..jst for some time. i will try. but im not doing this for anyone but myself. sometimes its not being selfish but you need to do something for yourself..and i will.

okay, time to get busy now. focus on exams. getting my first actual A in science made me so proud of myself but also it gave me the confidience i needed to know i can do this! if i just focus and do what makes me happy..i love doing experiments! :) like i really do. in science. thats my strong point! and i do really poorly in my inclass exams D: so i will focus on that. because i know i can do it. and for mother's day. all my mum asks for is for us to do well in school..so i cant wait to tell her about my mark in science, but i will study extra hard. and focus so that i can make it! i wont be stressed. but try and be organised to do my best in these exams and get my best report ever! because i can do this! and so can you ;)
believe in yourself, even when you think you cant do it
ps. i hate pimples --'

*sigh
so it's been like a week since my mum left and its not that bad..the only thing that is a big problem to me is that both my dad and sister bully me. for various reason, and yeaa they're my family but no one sticks up for me. so i miss my mum, in the sense that she isnt there to make them stop.. :( so today i ate dinner on the table. by myself. crying. tears slowly rolling down my cheecks and as soon as someone came into the kitchen, id look the other way or at my plate or quickly wipe away my tears..what the hell. this is my house too. and im the one hidding how they make me feel. thats not fair. and yea i know im always complaining about something or another. but family is meant to be ur support right? well before my mum left, i went with her to the shops and we talk in the car, and sometimes my mum kinda vents on me, i guess she feels comfortable and stuff but i know its hard..but she always says how she needs a break and i see how hard she works. im glad she's on holiday, she needs the rest and to have fun. to do something for her for a change..and my mum always comments on how my sister and i fight. and how sometimes all you have is family. and even though im always saying thats not true to me, and that i can trust and rely on my friends. they are more support then my family at times, and im greatful for that but still. i like here. and sometimes i just look out and think, how i can make things better, as i was looking out the window and i saw the moon..tonight it had a frown on it :( just like me..unlike the other night. i think it was thursday, on the bus, i saw the moon winking with a smile :) *sigh.
the reason i was crying, and even idno why but in the car i was getting teary..but yeaa at home all cause of my dad. sometimes he's so mean to me :( he was like saying how he wastes his time, always dropping and picking me up..like for soccer, drop pick drop pick and then he said, and its all for nothing..i dnt even kick the ball.. :'( that really hurt. where the hell is the support in that huuh? :( how does that help me. make me feel better. knowing that my dad is there, watching. who knows what kind of dissapointment he has watching me play :(
soccer brings me joy, and doing it with one of my closest and best friends makes it all the better. freak im not playing for him. im playing beacause its something ive wanted to do for ages..and now its all about him, what he thinks. well piss off cause i dnt care! it hurts me to hear you say that, knowing at games even my coach is more supportive and encouraging and proud of me. well stuff you. im proud of me, and my team and how i play. if u think its a waste of time, too bad. your problem. your just so rude. sometimes you should think before you say..gosh. and ur supposed to be the dad :(

..sorry i just had to get it out.. :(