to you only :)

Dearest vanessa,
omg. im already crying. :(
okay. nvm that.. so i guess other than the fact that you may be leaving..im jst emotional in general..im guessing another 'phase' ? :/

so. my dear friend. today you told me something. well this morning. and it distracted me all through period one. haha hist elect. ohh well. and i couldnt stop thinking about it. not only is angel leaving. probably gabby and yohana and maybe abby and now you too. :(
im really not looking forward to the beginning of next yr..but also as you know. i hardly ever say 'goodbye' and im not gna start. especially with you guys. i love you all too much to say goodbye. its not as yet in my vocab?

so.. as i was thinking earlier..i realised how in 3 yrs, so much happened. and im so happy for that. lol. as you know from all my past stories and stuff.. it wasnt really easy for me to fit in and stuff like that, fell comfortable around people so quick. even with my bestfriends in primary..it wasnt the same. and then getting to know all of you, everyone, the whole group..
but then getting to know a few of you more than others?

within these 3 yrs so far. i have told you jst about everything there is to know about me. haha when i think about it, i feel so fortunate to have friends like you guys, a friend like you who i can tell everything to. someone i can trust and count on. this in a way was also new for me. idno. haha it took some time to stop being that shy girl jst watching..to now being the one who doesnt shut up! :L haha. naww. but you, vanessafaith have been there from the beginning. since i can remember, in yr8 i think it all started? haha, i think it was because vianca was in the phils that i talked to you more. and even got to know you more. then as the yr progressed i felt like we knew eachother so well, with the whole group. i felt to happy and privaliged to now have friends like you.

i didnt only have new friends. but i was able to get to know some of you so well, like you and vianca. and was even able to call you my bestfriends..i actually doubted the fact that i would ever get over the fact that things wouldnt be the same between my primary bestfriends. :/ thinking that i wouldnt be able to call anyone my bestfriend? i know kinda crazy but at the time. i was nieve. --'
lol anyway. it took my like 4 yrs to really know my old friends? i guess. and i dnt want it to seem at all like im comparing you guys. haha coz i love you all the same..maybe you mcauley girls more though? :L haha. made my hs life so much more bareable. :) thank you for that

i never could say thank you enough..to any of you.

lol sorry for making this so long. haha i could write a whole story about the amout of good times we've had together.. everytime i look up at my wall, or even jst through old msgs and pics. i remember so much and i can count that there will be many more to come. i believe.. :) i really do. i dont doubt anymore..not about my friendship with you. coz vanessa. we've got so much to remember. lol every time i go out. so many things..haha like whenever i pass a 'seduce' store..i always remember my embarassing moment at the store in the city..and how you helped me :L haha. cant forget those things..ever.

you helped me with so much. haha even looked after me so well when we went out anywhere. vanessa you're such a good role model, your so responsible and trustworthy but most of all, such a good friend.

lol this isnt a goodbye or anything. jst wanted to let you know. :) you know me and sharing. haha i will miss you so dearly.

so. what i was trying to say is. in what seemed such a short time..but really wasnt. well in a way yes it was. i jst wanted to say, no matter what happens next yr..i will still always be here for you. and i will always have my promises kept..forever! :) lol you made me believe.. lol i forgot what i was gna say..again :L lol. umm. you helped me get past my past, and look forward for the future. you made such a difference.. all those late night dnms. you guys coming over randomly and us making puzzles, doing 'homework' haha taking pics. all those days. all those memories. are ones that i will treasure. thats what makes up friendships in a way right? haha. i know i have changed so much, im so proud to call you my friend. and even more. to have you as one. i tell you everything..so some of this you have heard before? :L lol but yeaa. i still remember that night, i was crying so much coz of my primary friends, and you and vianca helped me. talked it out and i felt to much better.. before. i never really had anyone i could talk to, someone i trusted enough to be myself around, always being too scared that it might end up like last time..but i know. this time its different?

lol. even before..im still kinda scared. how i was gna look for schools i might move too and stuff..then i thought im scared to move..scared to start over.. im still learning. but i need to learn not to be so scared.. im getting there :/

woo..we have all made it so far. haha.

anyways...

i love you vanessaa, thank you so so much. and i really am.."so glad life made us friends." :)

ps. haha sorry i got kinda distracted by other stuff and kept stopping..making me forget what i was gna say. --'
ohh and sorry. kinda got off track. :/ lol. as always. i forgot a lot i had to say so yeaa.. :) may not even make sense but yeaa..sorry.

love always, ninoshka
<3
hehe remember this..

its so not funny how easily my 'sister' can piss me off and make me cry..

i have nothing private in this house... :/

loveis;

love is; caring
love is; support
love is; being there, no matter the circumstances..
love is; making time for others..
love is; a feeling..an undescibable one..
love is: felt world wide.
love is; knowing you are not alone..even in the darkest of times
love is; having hope something better is coming..
love is; having faith and knowing it is real
love is; a fairytale the world can be in. the world can feel.
love is; God
love is; what everyone looks for. what everyone waits for.
love is; friendship
love is; showing all this.. and more!

love maybe just a word..but to so many..its more..

lol just came randomly to me..wanted to share.

yr ten..

omg. i feel so crappy atm.
dnt feel like anything. and i feel so tired..the pressure is on already. faa my mum was like stop msging and focus on ur work...

omg it pisses me off, now im not in the best mood. cant even smile. :/
she doesnt know how much pressure i put on myself to do well, not only for myself but more for my mum. beacuse she is always like..i dnt want anything from you or ur sister. jst to get good grades. and look. i try so frkn hard. its only the frkn first day of the bloody year and already. yea i know i have hw. geeze i brought it home didnt i! and yea. i will do it. in my own time. when im ready. when im in the mood.
why dont parents understand. or even try to see how we, the kids/students feel. yea we get it that they go to work blah blah that they have to do so much around the house and are so tired..who says school isnt tiring. we have hw for almost every subject we have.

our parents are not the only people who have expectations for us. i have expectations for myself. and yea sometimes im dissapointed and know i can do better. but i know the difference..i know what i can do. what i am capable of...freaking hell. this is a place where i can jst let it out. you frkn come to the screen i minimise it. i dnt want u to see. freak somethings in my life i like to keep to myself. away from you. you see its not frkn work.."get off the comp if ur not doing ur hw!"

freaking hell. i wna leave this house! maybe im being dramatic. but atm i dnt freaking care! i feel so emotional im even tearing up. what the hell is going on with me?!
im so tired of my moodyness lately! i really am..please help it stop. i want to be myself again..and i dnt remember being like this.. :(

hey. long time no speak? lol.
anyways. i was in the shower, and started thinking.. this year is going to be so different!

its already nearing the end of jan and school is coming up. and already ive had filling in my teeth..gotta took after them now. and so many life style changes..
my mum wants my family, well mainly my dad sister and i to eat more healthy? like salads and no more junk food. starting the first of feb. other then being healthy and eating better, its saving money :) im actually looking forward to it, even though it may be difficult. i need to loose weight. :/
plus in winter? my good friend angelica and i are starting soccer, for st pats btown. wooo! haha. the registraition thingo is on the 30th jan? and 6th feb. were going to try out for that! pretty excited :)
and then. my mum wants to put me for tutions..for math, science and english. to get me ready for yr 11 and 12 and yr 10 too. like so i can get better grades and understand more and that.

see, already. jst by doing soccer and then tutions, that will cost a lot. like for soccer..the uniform. shoes and shin pads and other gear and stuff. but i guess its okay coz its good, and i need to be active in a sport. always wanted to play soccer for st pats.

so this yr. with soccer, tutions and a life style change. and school. im going to be so busy. im going to make sure i get my work done. have better itme management so i am able to do whatever i have to and still have time to train and practice and that, but of course still have fun.

i dnt wna waste time anymore. i wna get things sorted out. what im going to do in life..hopefully that is something im working towards. i know im only 14. so young but i want to have some idea of whats going to happen, what im going to study for and that..? :)

yaay. okay ima go now.. im going to go read ;)

SURPRISE! :D

lol so much to say about this surprise party...PLANNED BY VANESSAA! props to you, it was a huge success :D haha. thanks to you.

but i'll jst leave it at that. haha. one to remember <3

i dnt care i dnt care i dnt care

i dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt carei dnt care i dnt care i dnt care

shes speaking to me. well shouting coz when she talks all i say is above.. i dnt care. fucking hell. why would i care what she says.. ohh yea. she says.. spot the odd one out. :@ circle the difference. im such a wna be. im fat. i have so many pimples on my face. i think im all that


well freaking fuck off coz i dnt care and never will care about what you say. and just because i talk over you repeating i dnt care. doesnt mean i care. it means i dnt give a crap anymore about what you call me. or what you say anymore.

just go get a life and ruin someone elses day. life. i give up.
and I DONT CARE!! say what you want. that i dnt belong. that yeaa. i feel so good coz i fit in. that i try to. omg. why the hell would i care, your just a sterotype a nosy no it all who thinks everyone care or gives a crap about what you say. you smelly shit. well i dnt care and im tired of hearing what you have to say! :@ oohh yea. and then if anything ever happens to me. your always life 'karma' what the hell? karma for what? i dnt do anything to you so leave me alone!

thanks for listening, :)