always. any time that i am happy or excited for something. my frkn parents have to ruin in. always. and im tired of it. tired of wasting time crying over these useless things that always come in my way, omg shout. shout. shout. i wna escape. right now. i jst feel like walking out, going away from this hell. fucking hell what do i live for, always being told what i can or cant do. im annoyed that almost ever aspect of my life is controlled by these people that are meant to be my family. well most of the time, i dnt even consider it. ahh. freak i just wish i could be that child, that was once always so happy. but no. all the time some new problem. some new shitty rule or mood will ruin my plans and im in trouble. im getting shouted at. please. please. leave me alone. yea ur always saying im always trying to be with my friends, talking to them on the phone or whatever. its coz they make me happy, all those times you are the reason i cry and get pissed and angry. they are the ones who help me smile again. the ones who accept me for me. you are meant to know me, you are my family but no. its never good enough. never satisfying is it? always picking on my faults..
..whatever anyway, no one cares how i feel, or what makes me happy. as long as it doesnt get in the way of their happiness. ruined my mood, ruined my day, as usual im the one who ends up in tears. thanks for always making me happy, because it seems that what i do most of the time, if it isnt homework, or studies or some shit like that, then it doesnt matter. im always meant to be studying, according to you, thats what i live for, well stuff you. i may seem rude and disrespectful atm but i dnt care, i will say what i want. well type what i want. no one listens to me at home, to what i feel..im constantly trying to keep everything to myself, making sure not to get in the way. gosh..i jst really wna escape. and i have a feeling, even the holidays wont be much of an escape if i cant go out a lot D:
..i jst wna escape. i wish i could get away from this sadness that is always dragging me here. home is where the heart is, if so, this isnt my home. beacause most of the time, my heart is elsewhere :(
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