its weird how my mood can change so quickly from something someone tells me, something i hear, something i think about.

..just then. that happened. and now..well. i dont know. i feel sad. and when i try to smile. i dont. and when i try to think of something else. i cant; its hard. and im scared..

even today on the train home. my mum started talking to me. saying how she's hoping my aunty is okay. hoping that she gets better.
im so scared, i dont know what to think..i havent actually had anyone close to me die before..and every time my mum is on the phone and i walk past, she is explaining my aunty to someone. i guess everyone is concerned with her condition.
she is my godmother, she is my middle name. she is my mum's closest sister. she treats me like her own daughter, and now. she's sick.

dear lord,
i pray for eudora. that she may get better, that she may get more healthier and that she and her family are safe on vacation. that when they come home she is well. when mama talks about eudora when she went to america, she said how sick she was, and that things were really bad. that her kids needed to be less dependent on her.. that scares me. i dont want anything to happen to her. please keep her safe, help eudora get better. :(

my mum went all the way to america for 2 months to be with her eldest sister. she went with my grandma..

things in my family are so complicated.. my mum told me so much on the train.

how that bitch took everything from my uncle..how she took everything he had, his life. his happiness. his only son that he lived for..
he is getting better now.. but what she did to my uncle is unforgivable. im a forgiving person, but that is one thing i dont understand. the stupid thing she did. and made my uncle suffer. makes me so angry just thinking about it.
ahh. right now. i feel all negativity..
so many thoughts running through my mind..

even though this, one thing stands out..i hope they are okay. :(