why?

today started of so well. i was excited, (in a way) for my neighbour's baby's first birthday, we didn't really know many people but through the day we met new people and learnt new names, quite a few actually, i got confused sometimes. ok and one thing i like to do, and that is to start my day well and end it the same way, well! today my sister was on the computer, she went off so i came on, then i needed to use the usb port thingo and lyk her usb was still in it. so i pulled it out but ddnt do the safe eject thing first. wen she came back on she was lyk so angry and blaming me that she saved something and now it wasn't on her usb anymore. i could care less, it wasn't my problem but apparently if anything goes wrong in my sisiter's life it is MY faul. i dnt know how or why but it IS! i dnt get it. i ddnt do anything so i went on and tried to help her find her shit on the computer and then she was lyk ye! that's the one now print it. i always try and help but no, she takes everything and everyone for grauanted and lyk didn't even say thatnkyou for finding it. like i sed i couldn't care less about her stupid assignment speech, its not my problem why should i bother, its not like she EVER returns the favour. then i printed it and lyk exed out of the page. it was printed and i was about to start what ever i was about to do until she was lyk no put it back and save it on my file! now. and then she calls ME selfish. what! does she know the defenition? i guess not! ah i hate her i hate her i hate her!period!
ok then i ddnt want to do what she said and was taking my time, i forgot what happened next but i hit her paper with her assignment, and ooopppss it kinda bent and wasn't staright anymore. that obviuosly upset her and then she pulled my hair, it was extra painful coz my hair was straightened from the party. i dnt even know what heppened but i had to print another one and a nother one. i was getting pissed at what she was saying to me and felt lyk......ah!:@.
she pissed me off so much and then i went downstairs coz we were going to start that earth hour and guess wot? something else happens. it pisses me off so much that if anything goes wrong I am ALWAYS the one to be blamed. my mum was lyk stop doing that to ur sister! i dnt do anything but put my finger up, after i did that she asked me to do it again, she is obviously blind as well as an idiot. then i got in more trouble. i was even more pissed, until my dad says something. guess wot. he was picking on me. i get even more pissed and angry when he says stuff about my friends, idky but he always has to pick on me! always. and on every little thing too. my friends are so good and lyk dnt do anything to him or anyone else but he had to say something. i decided not to talk to anyone and more was coming. i started crying! WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE MY FALUT! its not fair at all! if i dnt do something, i get in trouble, if i do do something i still get in trouble and if i do well in something, well its just not good enough! the thing especially is when my family say something about my friends, only because they don't know them as well as i do. i hate how my sister thinks im a wonna be just coz of my friends. im not! and i dnt care what she things at all, it just bothers me so much that she says that stuff. i believe she is the worst sister ever! and im not lying or joking either, no one knows who she truley is except me, not even my parents do. they dnt care if anything happens to me, as long as she isn't hurt. apparently to them i am the bulley, the don't really know what's going on.at all.! i am so frustraighted, the way my sister can act all good when my friends are here and then only i know what does on after that. she thinks i am i wonna be, she is one of the people that i guess has a problem with me being with my friends, its none of her business!NO ITS NOT she just says i am the odd one out and, well that sometimes gets to me, everytime i do something, she will always, always say something about my friends and how i dnt belong with them.:'(
its not fair the way i am treated sometimes, in my own home. that's why i like it more when my friends are there, they don't really care, we just have fun. i hope i ddnt upset anyone through the end of this blog.:( and on top of that my sister thinks my friends think she 's better than me and like me less. its getting to her head.:#


now something else that happened today was at the party, there was this girl and her brother, she was in yr1 and her brother in yr2. they are both so cute. they both kept on saying wen i grow up i wonna kill my brother/sister. i was lyk so shocked to her such little kids saying this! but then he was lyk i hate girls and my sister. clearly not as he was nice to his little sister. but then, later on when we were starting to play hide-and-seek. i was talking to the little girl and lyk she kept on saying, i wonna die or i want someone to kill me. she was lyk to me "do u want to kill me?" i of course said NO and was lyk why do u want to die so bad? she was only lyk 5. so young and she wanted to die, she said she would pierce her heart or get someone to kill her. i was still so shocked and wondering why? what does this mean for a 5 yr old to be saying this? finally she answered me and said, i want to die so i can see God. then i thought WOW. that is kinda sweet in a way and cute, i told her, can't you wait for a few more years, you are so young but she didn't answer me.
after hearing her say that, and this is from a five yr old i started thinking. i am a person who is not afraid to die, i could die tomorrow and i wouldn't really be saying i wish i got to this or that because, yes i wouold think that but i love my friends, sometimes my family, definately my extened family and i have already done and experienced so much. im not worried at all but i dnt want the last thing i do in my life to be bad. that's why i love to treat everyone so well and do good things. well one reason, i think? but lyk that's not really something bad to think about, maybe for a five yr old but still?