*sigh
so it's been like a week since my mum left and its not that bad..the only thing that is a big problem to me is that both my dad and sister bully me. for various reason, and yeaa they're my family but no one sticks up for me. so i miss my mum, in the sense that she isnt there to make them stop.. :( so today i ate dinner on the table. by myself. crying. tears slowly rolling down my cheecks and as soon as someone came into the kitchen, id look the other way or at my plate or quickly wipe away my tears..what the hell. this is my house too. and im the one hidding how they make me feel. thats not fair. and yea i know im always complaining about something or another. but family is meant to be ur support right? well before my mum left, i went with her to the shops and we talk in the car, and sometimes my mum kinda vents on me, i guess she feels comfortable and stuff but i know its hard..but she always says how she needs a break and i see how hard she works. im glad she's on holiday, she needs the rest and to have fun. to do something for her for a change..and my mum always comments on how my sister and i fight. and how sometimes all you have is family. and even though im always saying thats not true to me, and that i can trust and rely on my friends. they are more support then my family at times, and im greatful for that but still. i like here. and sometimes i just look out and think, how i can make things better, as i was looking out the window and i saw the moon..tonight it had a frown on it :( just like me..unlike the other night. i think it was thursday, on the bus, i saw the moon winking with a smile :) *sigh.
the reason i was crying, and even idno why but in the car i was getting teary..but yeaa at home all cause of my dad. sometimes he's so mean to me :( he was like saying how he wastes his time, always dropping and picking me up..like for soccer, drop pick drop pick and then he said, and its all for nothing..i dnt even kick the ball.. :'( that really hurt. where the hell is the support in that huuh? :( how does that help me. make me feel better. knowing that my dad is there, watching. who knows what kind of dissapointment he has watching me play :(
soccer brings me joy, and doing it with one of my closest and best friends makes it all the better. freak im not playing for him. im playing beacause its something ive wanted to do for ages..and now its all about him, what he thinks. well piss off cause i dnt care! it hurts me to hear you say that, knowing at games even my coach is more supportive and encouraging and proud of me. well stuff you. im proud of me, and my team and how i play. if u think its a waste of time, too bad. your problem. your just so rude. sometimes you should think before you say..gosh. and ur supposed to be the dad :(

..sorry i just had to get it out.. :(